I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
