it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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