apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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