her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
