i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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