You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
