She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
