I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
