I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
