I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
