Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When are your genitals available?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
