i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
