he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
