So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
