i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
