i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
