every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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