I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My balls are so social today.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
