The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
