well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
