that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
