Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
