i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
