So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
