Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
