after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
