if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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