Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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