WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
