There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
