38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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