Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
