I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
