dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
