a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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