is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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