I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
