I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
