How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
