Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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