After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
