Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
