Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
