im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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