I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
