So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Shame - the story of my life.
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