I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
