I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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