Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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