If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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