mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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